Cleaning out the Craft Closet

This is a duplicate post. . . the copy of this post can be found here.


I am doing a bit of a spring cleaning project.  I am cleaning out my scrapbook closet.  What I found once I dug into that closet was entirely surprising to me.

I knew I had a lot of stuff, but I really had no idea how much I had that was unopened and never been used.  I used to spend an enormous amount of time on scrapbooking and card making.  However, I don't do that anymore and it's time to let some of this stuff go. 

I have created an extra page on this blog to list some of the items I have that I will be selling.  This page will be updated as I have time and as I find more stuff.  Everything that I will list on this page will be brand new/never been used items. 

If you are into scrapbooking or know someone who is, please pass this information along.  Right now there are 40 items listed.  I am still going through items so there will be much more coming.  Everything from brad, buttons, rub-ons, stickers, chipboard, and many other types of embellishments.

I also have partially used items that I may be listing at a LARGELY discounted garage sale kind of price.  So keep coming back to see if there are new items listed.  I really want to get this closet cleaned out and give someone else the opportunity to put these crafty items to good use!

If you are looking for something in particular or some specific theme, please email me at
amylscott at sbcglobal dot net and let me know.  I will post those requested items before I post other new stuff.


SO, come visit me over HERE. . . where you'll find my new hobby as well as all my scrapbook items for sale under the tab at the top of the page entitled "Scrapbook Sale"

Wasted and Guilty

My mind has been swarming lately.  Swarming about ways to simplify.  Simply what?  Well, it seems that it started with just my schedule, slowing down a bit.  Then it escalated to the pantry, the spare bedroom, the office and the garage, and eventually the house.  Now it is my whole life. 

Much of me doesn't even really fully understand this.  It is kind of overwhelming and yet I can't get it out of my head.  It has been there for some time, just sitting dormant in the corners waiting for someone to pay attention.  Ya know, those thoughts you have that kinda make you feel a little uncomfortable?  The ones you just push aside for the time, thinking they will eventually get bored without the attention and just vanish, into thin air, like there were never really there to begin with.

It began one day when I was in a self examination of life mood.  Why did I get into that mood, I have no idea.  I don't have time for self examination!  If I really think about it, there is too much I want/need to change, yet no motivation, energy, mojo (whatever it is) to make that change happen.  It's much easier to remain in the place I'm in, that I've always been in and just let life pass me by, contributing to it from time to time, but more or less, just being a passenger on this ride.

I look around our home, our lives and realize how blessed we are.  We are blessed beyond measure.  We have a nice home, we have two cars, we have two dogs, we have all the clothes we need and then some, we have food in our pantry and in our fridge.  We have central air, and then heat in the winter.  With just a turn of a knob we have all the water we could ever want.  We have our jobs, which give us the money to continue to have all these things we need and want.  So what's my problem?

I'm starting to feel like I don't want all of this!  It's like I've been selfish about obtaining all these "things".  I HAD to have this house!  I HAD to prove that I/we could do it, you know purchase a house and make the payments and be all grown up and such.  And then with the house it just becomes out of control.  I HAD to have all the "things" that go in the house.  And, it just starts a vicious cycle.

All of these things are so material, they don't last forever.  There are only here for a moment really.  And do I need them?  Not really.  Need by definition is: " A condition or situation in which something is required".  So is anything I have necessarily required?  So I began to break it down, and really there is not much that I have that is actually required.

All of this is making me feel very ungrateful and wasteful.  We live in a 4 bedroom 2 1/2 bath home.  There is only two of us and two dogs.  What in the world do we need all this space for?  Yes, I know. . .we do entertain and have guests.  This gives them a nice comfy place to land when visiting us.  Is that required?  Ummm. . . not really!  So there is probably over 1000 sq.ft. of wasteedness (is that a word?) sitting right here around me full of furniture (not being used) and causing me to heat and cool all that space. 

We go and buy groceries.  Have any of you ever thought about how much food is wasted by a single family?  OMG!  We could probably feed a small country, ok. . . maybe not a small country, but certainly we have wasted more than enough to at least feed another family or two. 

Then I have to look at the fact that because, several years ago, I felt that I HAD TO HAVE all of these things. I now HAVE to work to continue to pay for all of these things.  Which leaves me having this feeling of being stuck!  I don't do "stuck" well.  It makes me restless, makes me somewhat irrational, makes me want to run and just keep running. . . kinda like Forrest.

So, on a daily basis, there is this small part of my brain that takes over. It's sitting there I can see the little brain people setting up office in my head.  Computer out, 10 key calculator on the desk, multiple spreadsheets. . . plotting away.  Plotting how my life can be different.  How I can sell this house, get out of that stinking mortgage, sell all of the contents in my home, and hit the road.  Yep that's what I want to do.  Is it rational?  Probably not.

I want to be simple.  Give me a camper, a large one mind you cause I need my space, or an RV (WOW, not with these gas prices!).  Or just my car, or one a little more reliable, I'm not really attached. Give me the clothes I NEED.  Enough to get me through, a few pairs of shoes and enough money (hopefully what I'd make from selling all my earthly possession) to hit the road.  Yep, travel.  No plan really just get packed up, hit the road and decide where I'm going once I get there. 

There is really no rational way of thinking this through.  None of it makes sense. I have to work!  I NEED to work.  Ah, but yes, I'm a nurse.  I can get one of those travel nursing jobs.  Me and PS can just pack it up and go!  Still. . . is this rational?  Am I running from something or running to something? 

I don't know the answer to that.  All I know is that I have these overwhelming feelings of guilt.  Guilt for all that I have that I have believed I NEEDED while there are so many who don't even have food enough for one meal today.  Who have open wounds on their feet because they have no shoes, while I have 15 pairs of shoes, mostly that I don't wear sitting in my closet right now.  And I have a refrigerator that needs cleaning out because there is old food that has gone bad.  Why because we have chosen to eat out or do something different instead of fixing what was fresh in the fridge while it was still good. 

I guess I'm airing some dirty laundry here, but I have to let this out somewhere.  I know many people will have no clue where I'm coming from.  And think I'm totally crazy.  And that's ok.  And I also know that I have no attachment (other than my son) to where I am now.  This state that I live in, this city I've lived in my whole life, this house that we built for our family, my job. . . . all of it can be taken away from me in the blink of an eye.  And all of that is material.  I want something deeper.  I want to be able to know in my heart that I don't NEED these things. 

I need air, I need water, I need food (though, some might disagree), I need shelter, I need sunshine, I need love, I need affection, I need companionship, I need my family.  Beyond that. . . I'm not sure that I honestly NEED all those other things. 

So. . . what am I gonna do about all of this?  I HAVE NO FREAKIN' CLUE!!  Why do you think I'm blogging about it? 
Give me your thoughts, leave a comment, shoot me an email.  Tell me I'm crazy. . . I don't care.  Just tell me something that will make sense!

Lost the Spark?

*It's kinda long, but hang with me on this one. . . .

It has been raining here for what seems like weeks!  We have not been given much of a break with this rainy weather.  I'm not really complaining mind you, cause I absolutely know it could be worse.  How in the world could I be whining about a little (ok. . . A LOT!) of rain?  Especially with all those people who lost their lives in these terrible tornadoes in the South.  Then there is still that tsunami and earthquake in Japan that still have people homeless and searching.  I'm thankful for the rain, that means no wild fires, right?

So, back to the point. . . .
The grass in our yard was way out of control, as was the grass in almost all the yards in our neighborhood.  Earlier this week we had a very short window, when we were actually home, of no rain.  My best girl goes out to conquer the jungle that has become our yard, but to her surprise the mower will not start.  She works with it for a little bit as she watches the storm clouds coming our way.  So, being that our front yard is fairly small, and someone planted a WHOLE SLEW of little yellow flowers, that turn into tall white puffs, in our yard and didn't tell us, she proceeded to race the weather for time.  She took the weed eater out and told that yard who was boss, did her best to at least trim the weeds down a little.  That was only the short term fix.
Yesterday she decided to give lawnmower a little tune up.  My girl, she sure is one handy person to have around!  As I am sitting in the office editing pictures for this, I hear can hear that old familiar sound.  Pulling the cord to start the mower, a slight rumble. . . . then nothing!  It's quiet for a few moments then I hear it again, and again, and again. After about 40 minutes of listening and praying, I went to check on her.  I offered to give her shoulder a break.  I began pulling, and pulling, and pulling. . . NOTHING!  We brainstormed, she had cleaned the oil filter (I think that's what it was), put new gas in it and did a few other things that I don't know about. Then I asked her if she had checked the spark plug.  She pulled the little cable off and said, "Yep, it looks good!"  I then said, "Oh no honey, the other side of the spark plug, pull that thing out. If it is all dirty it won't work." 
SIDE NOTE:  I have not idea how I knew this.  I must have watched my dad do this when I was a kid cause really. . . . I barely know how to check my own oil in my car.  I'm sure I was NOT meant to be a mechanic!!!

Sure enough when she took it out it pretty much looked like this, covered in oil, grease, dirt, JUNK and GUNK!:

She got that puppy cleaned off and the lawnmower started right up, first pull.

That whole incident got to thinking.  So often we hang onto all the JUNK and GUNK that life throws at us.  Storing them away as to not be bothered with them right now.  That "junk" or "gunk" can be any number of things and very different for each person.  It's kinda like those old hurts you just can't let go of, that one someone you just can't forgive, that grudge you carry from 15 years ago, the anger from a relationship gone bad. . . . whatever it is, they just get stored somewhere.  Somewhere, where you can go and get them off the shelve at any given time, to do with what you will.  So often, we keep them stored up there, waiting for that "rainy day" when we might need to pull them off that shelf and use them. Sometimes that looks like just a reminder to yourself as to not get hurt again, or it may look very different.  We may keep it stored up as a reminder that you hate someone, or that you can use it to control someone, to repay someone for hurting you.  Sounds kinda harsh doesn't it?  But you all know it is true.  We are human, we hold on to things like that.  I'm not saying it's a good practice, but it is what happens sometimes. 

So, I got to thinking.  If we store up all that old "junk" for so long in the shelves of our hearts then I bet we start to look and act like that dirty spark plug.  We can't make life spark, so to speak.  It contaminates our very being.  Turns us hard, causing a shell or concrete wall in some cases to be built tall around us not allowing any life or energy in.  Just like that dirty gunky lawnmower spark plug. . . the life is all gone out of. 

The good news?  Glad you asked!  All we had to do with that nasty old spark plug was to clean it off.  It was nothing really. . . very easy!  All we have to do as humans is keep those shelves cleaned off.  Don't hold on to things that corrupt, hurt, shame, blame, etc.  You know those things. . .   What is the good in it?  The more "gunk" you allow to be stored the longer and harder it will be get it cleaned out.  And the more you hold on to the more spark you will lose.  You've all seen those people who have lost the light in their eyes, they wear an almost natural frown, their sky is always falling.  How much fun is that? 
Think of how amazing life can be if we just quit storing all that bad "junk", and just let go.  Keep that light in your eyes, that smile on your face, and that spark in your heart.  It will be that, that sustains you when life throws you more "junk".  It will be that, that keeps you in check to say, "Nope!  I'm not storing this one!" And as easy as that. . . . it is gone!

Have a great Sunday, my friends!  I think I'm gonna reflect a little and make sure my shelves are cleaned off, and my files have been purged!  Need to make sure there is room to allow all that is good and loving in!

The Real Deal. . .

Today begins life back to normal for us here in this household. Back to work for me after a month of being off dealing with a kidney stone that resulted in not one but TWO surgeries. Back to the busy work week for Sharon after working and being a great nurse in the hours after work as I was dealing with this kidney stone.  Now that is all behind us. . .

It has been a wonderful four days spent with blogging friends Vodkamom and Braja.  Who knew that we would have as much fun as we did.  Who knew that we would connect on such a level that it feels like we have known each other for a lifetime already.  Who knew that these two people would come into our home and then sneak their way into our hearts the way they did.  It was even almost more incredible that Jody (our son) also fell in love with these ladies.  He actually ended up spending the whole weekend hanging out with us.  And bless their hearts, these two ladies endured the fur-babies (Wendy & Daisy) like champs!  We even ended up with an extra little fur-baby for part of the weekend, as we kept Sharon's brother's dog (Peanut) while he was on a weekend trip.  Peanut definitely found a couple of new friends this weekend also.

Deep in conversation, take out dinner, wine, books. . . and Peanut. 
Almost ready to pull out the scuba gear!

Ya know, you just never know when you meet people online.  I mean really?  We could have been inviting anyone into our home and yet we found they were just who they said they were.  Two wonderful women!

Does this not just look like a scene from Sex And The City.  Filmed in Indianapolis of course!

We laughed, we cried, we sang, we talked, we ate, we cooked, we took pictures,  we talked, we walked (for miles I think), we explored our big city, we talked, we stayed up til the wee hours of the morning, we sipped wine, we talked, we did yoga, we connected. . . . and did I say we talked?

Vokdamom, looking like a tourist in our big city!

Braja, also loved taking photos!  I was thankful to have someone else around
who loved taking photos as I do!

Sharon, Braja, and Rachel (Sharon's sister) entertaining us all.  Playing the piano and treating us to a song or two!
Who knew there was so much talent in one room?

Did I also mention we walked and talked?  I believe we all needed and got a much deserved nap after this long walk around the canal in downtown Indianapolis.

Oh yes, and we talked (did I say that already?). . . we got to know each other on a deeper level.  At moments I thought I was going to have to pull out the scuba gear, the depth of the conversations was amazing.  We learned so much, so much that I will not soon forget how much I have truly fallen in love with these two ladies.  My only regret is that we did not meet in person sooner.

So, if you have not had the opportunity to be introduced to Vodkamom and Braja, please take a minute and give them a visit.  You will not be sorry!  They are the real deal!

Sharon and I are feeling so blessed by the weekend respite we were given by having these two ladies as guests in our home!  Our lives are forever changed!



Oh and how can I forget. . . we took lots and lots of pictures.  Mostly of the city and the trees with the white blossoms.  These were Braja's most favorite!  And the adventure of photographing these trees was just simply fun!

More photos like these can be found over at my other blog.
Photos from this past weekend will be posted in the coming days.  So come over and give me a visit!

Stoned

I guess it is time I do a quick update.  Quick because I have not really felt like sitting in front of my computer for over a week now.  I know many of you have kept up with me through THIS blog and I thank you for the thoughts and prayers you have sent my way.

A week ago yesterday was my first trip to the emergency room.  I have to say that being a nurse, it takes a lot to get me to the ER.  I know how those places work and know how busy they can be.  However, by the time Sharon got home to me,(after I FINALLY called her and told her I was in pain),  she found me curled up in a ball in the bedroom floor crying like a two a year old.  Normally, I would not reveal that I was such a "pansy" about pain, however, this is pain like none other I have ever felt.  The doctor gave me the mother load of medication and 7 hours later sent me home to privately birth the stone that was ever so slowly making it ways from my kidney to the outside world.  I did what they said, I drank lots of water, laid around on the couch and took the pain meds they gave me for home.  But this baby didn't want to be birthed!  I ended up back in the ER on Saturday afternoon when I couldn't stand it any longer. 
I was admitted, and the urologist went in with a scope to attempt to remove the stone.  The only problem was he couldn't reach it.  He ended up putting in a stent to stretch things and help the stone to pass, however he didn't really think it would pass on its own.
I have been home and on the couch with pain meds every 4-6 hours since Monday morning.  The stent is painful and the stone is painful.  I am scheduled for yet another outpatient surgery on April 7th.  This surgery is going to be the same as the last.  With the stent in there for almost 2 weeks, he is thinking he will be able to reach that stone and get it out of there.  He will then remove the stent and place another one that will stay in for 5 days.  They informed me that this stent will have a string attached to it, that I will have to remove myself.  ARE THEY CRAZY???  I have already let them know that I am not sure I am capable of inflicting that much pain on myself!
I am off work on FMLA until at least April 14th, as of right now.  Unfortunately, starting Monday it will be all without pay.  And, I know there is no way I could work a 12 hour shift on my feet with this creature creating this much pain!
I am looking forward to next Thursday.  The day I will hopefully be done and have this "baby" birthed!  For now, I am laying low, taking my medicine like a good patient and just hanging out on the couch.  I haven't even felt like logging into my computer until today and am thinking this will be a short visit to blogland, as I am just about ready for more pain meds.
I have to say, that I have the best nurse ever taking care of me here at home.  She is making sure to check on me throughout the day, keeping my water glass refilled, sitting with me in the evenings and just loving on me a lot. 

I thank you all for the thoughts and prayers!  I will be back to blogging as I can!

"HELP ME, JOHN!"

You know it's going to be a long night at work, when you are a nurse and the nurse you are relieving starts her report with "Thank God you are finally here!"  That lets me know right away that her day has not been good and she is ready to run as far away, as fast as she possibly can.

Well my report started that way last night.  The nurse I was getting report from started her report that way then continued to tell me how her patience was runny thin.  She had been caring for an elderly woman (whom I would now be caring for, for the next 12 hours), who continued to yell out all day long.  Mostly she just yelled the word "HELP!", occasionally changing it up a bit to, "HELP ME!".  Every so often she would even add a name to this, "HELP ME, JOHN!"  Interesting thing is, no one, not even her family knew who John was.  We couldn't get John if we wanted to.  Her husband and children all said they didn't know anyone named John.  Hmmm. . . .

This poor lady, I thought, at the beginning of report.  She's just confused, someone just needs to spend a little time with her.  See, the lady pretty  much just knew her name (and John's of course). She had no idea who most of her family was, no idea she was in the hospital, just knew her name and that of John.  The problem was that, she would yell, I would go, and she would continue to yell.  I would ask her what she needed and she couldn't tell me.  I gave her pain medicine (just in case), I helped her reposition in bed to be more comfortable, I offered her a drink, I offered her food.  I turned on the TV to play quiet music so she wouldn't feel so alone.  I even sang to her!  (POOR THING!) 

About 8 hours into my shift my patient care tech and I were taking turns responding to her yells.  We were both starting to feel the same way the previous nurse had felt.  There was nothing we could do to make her stop yelling.  Nothing we could do to console her.  It leaves a nurse feeling pretty helpless and I'm sure the patient was feeling a little that way too.

Then something happened. . . . . .about 4am she became so aggravated because no one was coming to her room quiet quick enough after she yelled "HELP ME!"  As I was walking down the hallway toward her room I no longer heard her yelling those words.  I had to stop for a minute and giggle, because instead what I heard coming from her room was, "H-E-L-P   M-E!"  She had given up on yelling and began spelling it.  When I walked into her room, she looked at me with a surprised look on her face and said very matter of factually, "I CAN spell!"  She had the biggest smile on her face, and I couldn't help but laugh out loud a little. 

I did my routine, drink, reposition, talk, sing, tuck her back in, hold her hand, and to my surprise after she remembered she could spell she slept for the rest of my shift!  The whole THREE hours that I had left.

We still don't know who John is, but we do know this sweet lady can spell!

How I do love dementia patients!

Blessings

I heard this song a few weeks ago and it is one that has become my heart song lately.  After all that this world seems to be going through lately, there are so many people asking why.  I seem to hear it on a daily basis, not just about Japan or other natural disasters, but about everyday life. 
*Why Japan
*Why cancer
*Why my child
*Why my marriage
*Why my health
*Why ME?
*Why. . .

I'm not saying God "causes" all of these things to happen.  Please know that I don't believe that nor am I trying to make this a post that would bring forth all the "God made it happen" opinions. 

However, when I heard the chorus of this song, it made me re-think all the disappointments, hurts, trials, times in my life I just couldn't grasp the "why me" part.  What is true is that I DID make it through to the other side.  I have not failed to overcome the disappointments, trials, hurts, pain, loss that I have been faced with so far in my life.  There were times I felt alone like no one understood what I was going through.

I listened to this song and it all made sense to me. (Not that it didn't before, but it was articulated so well in this song).  All the sleepless nights I have spent worrying, crying over different moments in my life, I can now look back on them and see how I have grown.  I can now see that I was not alone at all.  That He was right there all the time.  And I am a much better person for all those times. 

"What if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise"

I know for me. . . I'm so thick headed and stubborn, sometimes I just have to be hit with a 2x4 to even grasp the lesson in life that I am meant to be learning at this time.  Sometimes I have to go through things so that I can come out on the other side a better person.

Thank you God, even for the trials, even for the disappointments.  What I know, is that the recent world events have certainly brought me to my knees in a spirit of prayer that I haven't been in for a while. Thank you God for creating in me a person who knows where my strength comes from!