Remembering Steve

In Our Hearts

We thought of you with love today.

But that is nothing new.

We thought about you yesterday.

And days before that too.

We think of you in silence.

We often speak your name.

Now all we have is memories.

And your picture in a frame.

Your memory is our keepsake.

With which we'll never part.

God has you in his keeping.

We have you in our heart..

Steve, Brandy (youngest daughter), and Gina (wife)

Steve

Sept 26, 1955 - Oct 10, 2009

Over the last week, we have been supporting our very good friend who lost her husband suddenly and unexpectedly.  He was a wonderful man who leaves behind his wife of 20 years, 3 grown children, 2 daughter-in-laws, 1 son-in-law, 5 grandchildren, and 2 very loved furbabies, as well as a large extended family and many many friends. 

Steve was the kind of person who loved everyone regardless.  He was a man of little words, however when he did have something to say, you better listen because it was usually pretty darn important.  He loved to laugh and make people laugh.  There are just too many stories to tell about what an incredible guy he was.  He will be certainly be missed.

So, if anyone was wondering what was up with the lack of blogging lately, here it is.  Family and friends are life's most precious gifts.  When one is in need, we will always be there. 

Please remember this family in your prayers as they walk softly through their grief and learn how to live life differently. 

Something About Otin

Blah, blah blah Otin, blah. Blah blah blah blah blah Otin.  Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah Otin.  Blah Otin blah blah blah blah blah blah!  Otin! Blah, blah blah blah Otin, blah blah blah.Blah, blah blah Otin, blah. Blah blah blah blah blah Otin. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah Otin. Blah Otin blah blah blah blah blah blah! Otin! Blah, blah blah blah Otin, blah blah blah.Blah, blah blah Otin, blah. Blah blah blah blah blah Otin. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah Otin. Blah Otin blah blah blah blah blah blah! Otin! Blah, blah blah blah Otin, blah blah blah.Blah, blah blah Otin, blah. Blah blah blah blah blah Otin. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah Otin. Blah Otin blah blah blah blah blah blah! Otin! Blah, blah blah blah Otin, blah blah blah.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY FRIEND OTIN!!!

I didn't want to be JUST like everyone else and give you the blonde of your dreams.  This blonde is special.  She will keep you really warm at night with all that fur.  She will pick all the dirt out of your hair after a long days work.  What more could a guy ask for, right?

I hope you birthday is as amazing as you are!  Do something fun, just for you and remember how much people just love you out here in blogland. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, OTIN!!!

Mosquito Hawk

Mosquito Hawk (AKA  Crane Fly)

Jane, this post is for you! 

We have hundreds of these flying beauties  annoying pests, in our yard.  Rumor has it they kill regular mosquitos.  However after a thourough search on my friend google, I have found this to not be accurate information.

According to A-Mosquito dot com 

These flying pests are commonly refered to as mosquito hawks, or crane flies.  They resemble very large mosquitoes. Although it is rumoured that mosquito hawks eat mosquitoes, that is not the case with crane flies. Crane flies do not bite people either, but prefer to feed on the roots of a variety of grasses.

So I am guessing by the number of these varmits I see daily flying around in our yard, by spring we will probably have no yard.  The grass will all be gone to these so called mosquito eaters.

The don't bite, that is a good thing, but as soon as you step foot in the grass, you are being swarmed by them.  It is like they stay hidden deep in the grass until the grass is distrubed then WHALA!!!  out they come!!

So, Jane. . now you know, what has me going crazy around here in Indiana.

Take the risk!!!

I had a guidance counselor in high school tell me I'd never be able to get into college, so there was no use in even applying.  I ended up going to a community college right out of high school and let their truth become my own.  I dropped out after a semester and a half.  I didn't think I had what it took.  The classes were to hard, I just couldn't keep up.

This kind of self talk followed me for many many years.  Landing myself in dead end jobs, believing I would never make much of myself.  I would always be "just someone's secretary".  Inside I wanted more for myself.  Inside I didn't believe I could do it.  I had learned to believe the lies I had been told.  The lies that said I wasn't good enough, wasn't smart enough, wasn't pretty enough, wasn't popular enough.

It wasn't until I was well into my 20's that I decided I wanted to be a nurse. 

Many people thought and even said outloud that they thought I was crazy.  That nursing school was too hard.  I should try something else.  Why would I want to be a nurse anyway?

By the time I was 28 years old I had grown into myself.  I had learned that I could do anything I decided I wanted to do.  At that moment I decided I wanted AND would be a nurse.  I applied, I tested, I was accepted to a local college.  I passed my pre-requisites, not with flying colors but I passed.  I applied, I tested, and I was accepted again to the ever so competitive nursing program at this same local college.  I trudged my way through, beside all those cute, giggly, 18 & 19 yr olds who had just graduated from high school.  Those who had anatomy in high school.  I don't remember it even being offered when I was in high school.  I studied, I read, I cried, I screamed and I made it through my lectures.  Then I cried, and screamed some more as I grew the strongest backbone ever during my clinical rotations with nursing instructors who thouroughly believed in breaking a person down before building them into the nurse they were paid to create.  Then I cried again as I walked across a stage, dressed in my white gown,  with my family and friends cheering me on.  As I sat through that ceremony I remember thinking of each person in my life who told me I would never become anything.  That said I shouldn't even try.  That continually broke my spirit.  At that moment I felt like someone important, like someone who had beaten the odds.

I look back on that time now and believe that I did beat the odds.  However, now what I know is that it is not my education that makes me someone important.  It is not how I look, or what people think of me.  It is not what job I hold or how much money I make. 

It is what I think of myself. . . it is the fact that I love ME.  It is that I know that I am someone important, not because of anything other than I am ME.  I took the risk, I lived my life and continue to live it every day that I am gifted with.  I beat the odds.  I was determined NOT to be what people said I was.  I am unique, there is no one just like me.  I am human, I have the ability to feel, I have the ability to love and to be loved.  I am someone!!!

Take a minute to tell someone how special they are today!!  Encourage someone to take the risk. . . to live!

Random Tuesday Thoughts

Why is it when we have what we want we always want more.  Something bigger something better. . .What does it take to be satified? Is this simply a reflection of what is inside of us? A piece of us that is missing? Something we must give to ourselves?

People all over the hospital are FREAKING out about H1N1!!!  Is it really THAT big of a deal?  Isn't it just another flu. . . shouldn't we be ok if we just take care of ourselves?  Kids becoming sick, very sick from this. . . is it because parents are not paying attention and sending sick kids to school and infecting other kids who then infect their siblings, parents, grandparents, childcare workers, etc.  Use your common sense!!  If you are sick, stay home.  Wash your hands often and stay away from places where there are sick people!

Is it really necessary to do road construction on EVERY exit on the interstate?  Seriously, there are times, around here, when there are 3-4 exits in a row that are closed!!!  Do they not realize this causes road rage, which in turn causes accidents, which then causes innocent people, like me, to be late to work!!!!

What is up with all the misquito hawks?  I just walked outside to take the dogs to do their "business" and low and behold, I am attacked by these swarming varmits!!!  I HATE THEM!!!  They are ugly, they are big and I simply don't like them in my yard.  I would really not be sad at all if they chose to take up residency someplace else!

I have spent the last 2 weeks giving flu shots to the staff at the hospital.  I find it very amusing that so many doctors are afraid of needles.  One nearly passed out while sitting in the chair, BEFORE I ever had the needle out and attached to the syringe!!!!  Seriously???  Did they check their job description before applying to medical school?

I really don't like being home alone!  I like to have people (ones that I care about) in my space.  I also like the quietness I am having tonight. . . home alone.  I can't wrap my brain around this.  I don't like being alone, but I am happy and content tonight, all alone in my house, just me and the doggies.  Aahhhh, the sound of a fishtank. . . how soothing!

If an opportunity appears right in front of me, after praying and praying for answers, how do I know it is God who placed it there.  Is He just waiting for me to make the right decision?  If I make the wrong one will He put another option in front of me that is even more enticing?  How will I know which door the prize is behind?

Even when it is quiet there is always a song in my head. I think I have said this before. Music speaks to my soul. It soothes my anxieties. It simply makes me happy, a "happy on the inside" kind of happy.

This is the song that has remained in my head for the last several weeks.  I have even caught myself humming/singing outloud at work, not even realizing what I was doing!

This song has calmed my anxiety, and helped me find the quiet moments to really sit with the choices I have before me.  I have found my strength!!!  Thank you, Jesus!!!

One of my favorite things to do is to drive with my praise and worship CD's playing as loud as I can.  I find a place of solitute.  And thank God I am usually alone during this time, cause I am usually singing at the top of my lungs, clapping my hands, and praising the Lord.  I am sure people driving around me think I am totally nuts.  Especially during the times I am driving to and from work. 

If we humbly accept. . .We must pray

Revolations 365.25

When the moon sets

Over your shoulder

As the sun rises

Bright towards your face,

What's in the middle?

Your life is. . .

Filled with choices

For each moment, each place.

We live in between the

Past and the future,

In the moment of our

Here, now, today.

Can we cope with the

Daily life stressers?

If we humbly accept. . .

We must pray.

- Matttie Stepanek, December 2001

Hope Through Heartsongs

Life has certainly been full of stressers for me lately.  I have had many choices to make some difficult, some not.  Many were just basically about changing my mind.  Changing my mind to accept the path that has been placed before me.  Through all of this, I humbly accept. . . and I pray.

Elijah Update

Elijah is currently in surgery.  According to the nurses who are giving updates, he is doing well.  They are expecting another hour before we get another update. 

Prior to them taking him back to the OR, they gave him some versed to help with the seperation when they took him from mommy.  We all had a pretty good time, laughing with him and listening to him laugh.  There is nothing like an already funny baby, now drunk on versed.  It was a good way to help everyone relax a little. 

Thank you all for the prayers.  I will give more updates as I know them.  Until then I will leave you with some sweet smiles.

Elijah and his "Grammy"

Elijah loves to play the piano.  This was the concert he gave us Monday night.

UPDATED @ 4:00pm

Elijah did very well in the surgery.  I actually feel much more informed and educated about what is going on.  The plan with the surgery was to check the current pacemaker he had that was keeping his Left Ventricle working and then place another pacemaker to try to get the Left Atrium working.  I actually think I had the left and right mixed up in my other posts.  Sorry 'bout that.  What they ended up doing was removing the old pacemaker and putting in a new one that was attached to his left and right ventricles and the left atrium.  This means he will have three chambers of his heart working instead of just one.  Which then means more of his blood will be oxygenated. 

He did great in the OR and once he was in the PACU his heart rate dropped quiet a bit.  They decided to move him to ICU just keep an eye on things for a while.  Before they actually got him moved his heart rate went up to the 140's which is where they want it to be.  So as of right this minute I believe he is pretty stable.  It sounded like the ICU move was just a precautionary measure.  If all goes well tonight they will move him to a regular floor tomorrow.

Thank you all for praying for him and his family.  They truly appreciate it and have been touched by the emails and kind words you have sent.